How to Avoid Playing the Blame Game and be Happy Now!

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Does the blame game leave you feeling unsatisfied and unhappy? Does expressing your emotions in terms of who is right and who is wrong ever leave you feeling worse than when you started. Fortunately, you can improve your relationships and the quality of your life by following three easy steps.

One way to start being happier is to understand what it is that’s causing you to feel tense and angry in the first place. Start by listening to the things that you are saying to yourself. Most likely, every upsetting thought you have has to do with things that you “don’t want” and is focused on who’s “right” and who’s “wrong”.

Consider these thoughts as an example: “They know better than telling me lies!” (’They’re wrong!’) “If they truly cared for me, they would not act in that way!” (’They’re wrong!’) “They should never butt in if I’m talking!” (’They’re wrong!’)

Notice how each of these thoughts focuses on things that the person doesn’t want to have happen they don’t want to be lied to, they don’t want to think that they’re not cared for, and they don’t want to be interrupted. Whenever you focus on what you don’t want, it’s very easy to become trapped in the “Right/Wrong Game”.

The question is why did we start playing the “Right-Wrong Game” at all? From early on in our history we can find evidence of this game being played. For reasons we won’t go into here people have decided it is very important to make the distinctions between, who’s nice and who’s naughty, who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s good and who’s bad. From adults that played the game with us we learned the rules well and have become expert players.

The problem with this is that, while we learn to be very good at identifying who’s right and who’s wrong and saying what we don’t want, we don’t learn the skills to identify what we do want–the things that are really important to us.

What’s worse, partaking in this game can drain you–a cause of stress that diminishes your sleep, attitude, and finally, your happiness. The “You’re wrong, I’m Right” game creates cycles of pain, confusion, and discomfort. If you find that you feel uncomfortable when pondering the same issue more than three times, it is likely that the cycle has begun.

Think about it. Frustration and anger cause stress. Stress affects your mood. Your mood can create problems with how you interact with the world. Interaction difficulties can lead to more frustration and anger. If you find your thoughts returning to the same upsetting situation, and leave you feeling uncomfortable, tense and angry, you’re a major-league player of the “Right/Wrong Game”. Unless you learn to break free, you may find yourself getting sucked down into the quicksand of this cycle.

Fortunately, there is a fairly simple choice you can make about whether or not you want to continue playing this game. That choice can be summed up by this popular quote from The Course in Miracles that asks, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

How to Free Yourself

Instead of trying to be right all the time or focusing on what you don’t want, learning to identify, quickly, what it is that you do want is a key ingredient. This idea is the secret to finding genuine happiness and breaking the never-ending cycle of anger and frustration.

More than desire is needed to get out of the emotional quagmire of the “Right/Wrong Game.” You also need to develop the skills and thought patterns necessary to break out of that vicious cycle. Overcoming it will feel odd at first and may take a while, but it can be overcome just like any bad habit with increased self-awareness and effective practice. If you are tired of constantly feeling upset and emotionally exhausted, this can be a worthwhile area for improvement.

You can start playing a new and improved game. It only takes three steps.

Step One: Self-Guidance Using Your Feelings to Direct You

We’ve talked about how the “Right/Wrong Game” causes tension and anger. There is a reason for this discomfort. Feelings of discomfort are part of your emotional guidance system. Think of them as a warning signal that something deeply important is missing from the situation. Feelings of discomfort show you that it’s time to get back on the path to the life you truly want.

Step Two: Discover the “Do Want”

If you start this step by focusing on your true inner desires–what you do want, you will then be able to stop focusing on what you don’t want. It is of utmost importance to be able to distinguish between the two. Practice listening to what you’re thinking. If you notice yourself thinking about what you don’t want, what you don’t like, then stop and flip your attention to what you do want in the situation. If someone has lied to you and you hear yourself saying: “I don’t want to be lied to” dig underneath that “don’t want” and identify what’s important to you about people not lying. Most likely trust is what’s most important–what you “do want”.

Or, if you’re feeling angry and frustrated and you hear yourself thinking, “If they really cared about me they wouldn’t act like that!” then caring, belonging, and consideration are most likely the root of what is important to you. So your “do want” in this case is to experience people acting in ways that show they care about what’s important to you when they make decisions that affect you.

You need to be able to identify what’s most important to you before you can figure out how to get it.

Step Three: Make the First Move

Now that you have figured out what’s most important to you in the situation, it’s possible to make a plan of action. Do your best to focus on what you do want and avoid focusing on what you don’t want. In order to have more trusting relationships, identify something you can do to achieve that trust and if you want caring, then come up with something you can do that will generate caring.

Even taking a tiny action in the direction of what you “do want” is better than sitting around and suffering. When you start to take action, you will begin to notice your anger and tensions melting away! Indeed, you can free yourself from the “Right/Wrong Cycle” by working towards those things which you really want. By taking immediate action, you start down the path that leads to a stress free, happier life.

Are you ready to change your focus and play a new game? Sign up for our thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: www.FocusedAttention.com/cmd.php?ad=317928. Each tip offers unique self-help skills and personal growth techniques to help you in focusing on the things that are most important to you. Or visit us at:

Quick Weight Loss Diets

Do you ever feel a little heavy? Okay, for some individuals, this is an understatement. Too many of us feel overweight. Now, what do we do about it? Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s time to take charge of your weight. It’s time to get back the figure you once felt great about. What you need is a quick weight loss diet. When I say quick weight loss diet, I don’t mean something unhealthy or detrimental to your health overall. This is the last thing you want. However, you can drop those extra pounds if you’re willing to put forth the effort. In the end, I assure you; it will be worth it. The last thing you want is to be overweight. This affliction can come with some serious health risks. Are you ready to get started?

Have you tried a number of diets, but they never seem to work? Well, maybe it’s time to consult a professional. A personal trainer and a nutritionist can do wonders for your figure. You need to adopt that diet and fitness regime that works particularly for your body. You see, we are all different and have different needs. This means that you may want to focus on different areas of your body than your best friend. One of the key problems with today’s society is their mentality. No one wants to work for anything. Well, while you certainly can find a quick weight loss diet, you might as well expect to fork out some effort. How bad do you want to look nice and be healthy? I watched my close friend struggle with his weight for years. However, his main problem concerned his tenacity. He simply had no will power. A quick weight loss diet will not prove successful without a devoted individual. Eating healthy and exercising regularly are still the prime factors when it comes to dropping unwanted pounds.

Do you ever browse the web? Well, if your answer is no, then I suggest you start. The Internet is loaded with fitness regimes and nutritional information to suit any individual. That quick weight loss diet is most likely lingering in cyberspace, just waiting for you to take a gander. Believe me, those extra pounds that you wish to shed so badly, can be discarded with the proper diet and exercise routine. It basically comes down to how bad you want it. The information is at your fingertips, folks. It’s time to take advantage of it.

WLS Patients Feeling Gassy & Bloated Sugar Alcohol May Be To Blame

Sugar intake is a real concern for people who’ve had gastric bypass, in fact most patients fear sugar. The foremost fear isn’t weight gain, it’s dumping. Foods containing sugar pass too quickly through the small pouch, they are rapidly absorbed and cause insulin levels to drop resulting in dumping.

Very unpleasant. Instead of taking chances with sugar many of us reach for “sugar free” sweets or diabetic candy to satisfy our sweet tooth. Many of these products contain sugar alcohol, a natural sweetener derived from fruits and berries. Unlike artificial sweeteners that contain no calories, sugar alcohol has about half the calories of sugar. Diabetics are able to have food with sugar alcohol because it’s converted more slowly to glucose and require very little insulin to be metabolized.

While sugar alcohols are low in calories and slow to convert to glucose, the down side is they can cause gas, bloating and diarrhea. I learned this the hard way. One day that devil we call temptation seduced me into buying a bag of sugar-free jelly beans. Jelly beans are dangerous because they are little bites of soft food which means a gastric bypass patient can eat too much volume. I ate the entire bag in about an hour (true confessions of the closet snacker). I soon became uncomfortable with a small tummy ache. The tummy ache turned to bloating, cramping and gas. Extreme cases of all three symptoms. Painful “take me to the hospital I think I’m gonna explode” symptoms. It took a couple of days for my body to return to normal, a couple of stressful and uncomfortable days.

The jelly beans I ate contained Mannitol, a common sugar alcohol extracted from seaweed. I know they contained Mannitol because I read the package mid-way through the crisis. The package contained this warning, “Warning: excessive consumption can cause a laxative effect” Fine time to be reading labels I told myself! Mannitol is found naturally in pineapples, olives, asparagus, sweet potatoes and carrots. It’s about 60% as sweet as sugar, so more product is needed to replicate the sweetness of sugar. “Mannitol lingers in the intestines for a long time and therefore causes bloating and diarrhea.” Yup! That’s exactly what happens all right.

What other names are sugar alcohols called?

Sorbitol is found naturally in fruits and vegetables. It is manufactured from corn syrup. Sorbitol has only 50 percent of the relative sweetness of sugar which means twice as much must be used to deliver a similar amount of sweetness to a product. It has less of a tendency to cause diarrhea compared to mannitol. It is often an ingredient in sugar-free gums and candies.

Xylitol is also called “wood sugar” and occurs naturally in straw, corncobs, fruit, vegetables, cereals, mushrooms and some cereals. Xylitol has the same relative sweetness as sugar. It is found in chewing gums.

Lactitol has about 30-40 percent of sugar’s sweetening power, but its taste and solubility profile resembles sugar so it is often found in sugar-free ice cream, chocolate, hard and soft candies, baked goods, sugar-reduced preserves and chewing gums.

Isomalt is 45 - 65 percent as sweet as sugar and does not tend to lose its sweetness or break down during the heating process. Isomalt absorbs little water, so it is often used in hard candies, toffee, cough drops and lollipops.

Maltitol is 75 percent as sweet as sugar. It is used in sugar-free hard candies, chewing gum, chocolate-flavored desserts, baked goods and ice cream because it gives a creamy texture to foods.

Hydrogenated starch hydrolysates (HSH) are produced by the partial hydrolysis of corn. HSH are nutritive sweeteners that provide 40 - 90 percent of the sweetness of sugar. HSH do not crystallize and are used extensively in confections, baked goods and mouthwashes.

Should Gastric Bypass Patients indulge their sweet tooth with sugar alcohol?

The American Diabetes Association claims that sugar alcohols are acceptable in a moderate amount but should not be eaten in excess. In addition, weight gain has been seen when these products are overeaten. Personally, I’m not dipping my sticky fingers into sugar-free candy again. For gastric bypass patients generally the key, as in all eating, must be moderation, not a full bag of jelly beans. And of course, we can always rely on the old advice of conventional dieters, “Hungry for something sweet? Reach for a piece of fruit.”

Kaye Bailey is a weight loss surgery success story having maintained her health and goal weight for 5+ years. An award winning journalist, she is the author and webmaster of http://www.livingafterwls.com and http://www.livingafterwls.blogspot.com

LivingAfterWLS is a no-nonsense resource for people Living After Weight Loss Surgery. Our community is growing in numbers even as we are shrinking in pounds. Together we support one another in this lifestyle, that it turns out, is NOT the easy way out.

Fresh & insightful content is added daily, check in often. To subscribe to the LivingAfterWLS monthly newsletter “You Have Arrived” click on http://www.livingafterwls.com and enter your details in the subscription box.

Hoodia Gordonii For Metabolic Regulation And Weight Loss

Dieting is not just a simple change requiring reducing how much you eat and increasing the time you exercise. Unfortunately, when you go on a diet, often your metabolism decreases. This is a frustrating paradox. But this mechanism actually was quite useful for ancient man. Long ago, food was much more scarce, so it made sense that in order to conserve energy and promote survival, metabolism would slow down in order to deal with famine situations.

Conversely, food itself is the difficulty for modern humans. Many modern humans no longer face famine. Therefore, the biological slowdown of the metabolism that occurs when calories are limited becomes a liability making it difficult or even impossible to take off any weight. Many times those who are successful in shedding pounds will gain them back immediately since the metabolism remains sluggish, even after the diet is over.

There is a very easy resolution. You can take this natural supplement hoodia gordonii. This supplement is also known as the African diet pill. This pill will help boost your metabolism. With this pill you can burn more calories. Africans have used this supplement for centuries. They used it to improve their health and to boost their energy.

Once you start taking hoodia gordonii, you will yourself realize how effective it is. It helps to increase the rate of metabolic and other bodily processes. This in turn boosts your energy levels and you feel fresh even at the end of the day. Now you don’t need to gulp a cup of coffee, tea or any other harmful energy drink every morning.

The natives who take hoodia have long claimed that it regulates metabolism and other bodily functions, a fact borne out by clinical trials. Taking hoodia gordonii - the fast working diet pill - on a daily basis helps people lose more weight than diet and exercise alone. What’s more, people who take hoodia report feeling healthier and energetic throughout the day.

Many people who struggle to lose weight or keep it off tend to blame themselves for the problem. They assume that they are lazy or not working hard enough to lose the weight. Nothing could be further from the truth. Due to a natural process that evolved over millennia, it is difficult for people to lose weight. Taking hoodia can help.

Dieting does not simply mean that you reduce your intake of food and do more of exercises. Dieting is not an easy task. There is a very easy resolution. You can take this natural supplement hoodia gordonii. This supplement is also known as the African diet pill. This pill will help boost your metabolism. With this pill you can burn more calories. Africans have used this supplement for centuries. Hoodia is regarded as the fast working diet pill. People using it have experienced a change in their energy levels besides losing weight. They also feel healthy from inside.

- Phil Summers

Frames In Raleigh: Affordable And Stylish

When you purchase your next set of eyeglasses, you might feel overwhelmed at the sheer number of options available to choose from. Not only do you have to select your frames - possibly from hundreds to choose from - but you will also have to choose the type of lens and coating options. In this article, we give you a brief overview of your options when you purchase eyeglass in Raleigh.

First, you will have to choose whether you want lenses made from plastic, or from some other material. Plastic lenses have been around longer, and are heavier and thicker, but they are often an inexpensive choice for those who only need a slight correction in their vision. Aspheric and polycarbonate lenses are newer, and are made of thinner, lighter material, and though they may be a more costly option, they will not have the problem of looking like ‘coke bottle’ glasses like the plastic.

Frames in Raleigh are available in many different styles. You can go with wire frames that are light and flattering. Another choice are rimless glasses that have no wires around the lenses. A third choice are plastic frames. Frames in Raleigh are easily affordable and last a long time.

When you select your new pair of glasses, you will also be choosing a type of coating for the lens. An anti scratch coating is widely used. It is not costly and can help you glasses last longer. Another type of coating is anti glare. This coating helps to reduce glare. This can be very beneficial when you are driving at night and encountering oncoming head lights.

Lastly, there are also sunglasses and transition lenses to mention. Sunglasses will come in a wide variety in Raleigh, and are important for anyone who spends a significant amount of time in the sun. One popular sunglass option is the clip-on, but you may also be interested in the transition lens, which are regular lenses that change in bright sunlight from clear to dark.

Whatever choice you decide to make, you will certainly be able to find the best eye care for you by choosing an eye care professional who provides frames in Raleigh. They will be able to help you with all the relevant choices, and pricing for all the available options to you.

Frames in Raleigh are available in many different styles. You can go with wire frames that are light and flattering, rimless glasses, or plastic frames. Plastic lenses are often an inexpensive choice. Aspheric and polycarbonate lenses are newer, thinner, lighter, and more costly. When you purchase your eyeglass in Raleigh, you will be asked to select lens coatings. The most popular coating is anti-scratch, which helps preserve the life of your lenses and is generally inexpensive. Anti-glare coating is especially nice for driving at night. Sunglasses in Raleigh also come in a wide variety, including clip-on and transition lenses.

- David Dumase

Hoodia Is A Natural Supplement For Weight Loss

Is it hard for you to lose weight? Are fat deposits on your tummy, hips and thighs hard to shrink? Maybe you have tried many diets and exercise programs and have had little success. Perhaps diet and exercise did work for a little while and you lost some weight. Did the pounds and fat deposits return as soon as you eased up a little?

When you have been struggling with such issues, it may be a good moment to look for a completely new perspective. If losing and keeping off weight are part of your struggle, your problem probably is not your willpower but your metabolism. After all, your metabolism burns the calories from all you eat and regulates your weight.

A major element controlling your weight is the speed of your metabolism. Some individuals have a clock that runs a bit slower, so they are more likely to gain weight. Conversely, others have a higher operating speed, and burn off excess calories without a second thought. Would you like a compound that would help keep your metabolic engine running at peak efficiency? Is that something you might be interested in?

Really, there truly is such a supplement. Its name is Hoodia, and the people of South Africa have used this for centuries in order to maintain health of the entire body and to increase metabolism. It is a natural ingredient and is definitely safe for use.

Many have tried diet pills and been completely disappointed. Hoodia is a natural way to speed up your metabolism. Speeding up your metabolism is way to help burn fat quicker. Many of us first learned about hoodia from Oprah who has been said to use it. Hoodia has become the most celebrated natural product that works wonders to change metabolism.

If you’ve found it impossible to take off and keep off the weight, it is not your fault. The fault lies in having a slow metabolism. The solution is a simple natural supplement that works with your body to speed up your metabolism. Many people find that when they take this supplement, they feel like they have more energy than they have had in years, and they also feel healthy and get sick less often - not to mention the fact that they lose weight!

Being a natural metabolism stimulant, hoodia exerts its effects in a different way to diet pills. You may have heard of this previously as oprah diet pill as it was featured on Oprah, but it has received many more accolades and is celebrated by many as a botanical ingredient that really does what many physicians once thought was impossible - it increases the metabolism. Taking off weight and keeping it off is a challenge. The most common reason for the difficulty is a slow metabolism. The key is to speed up your metabolism and there is a simple natural supplement that can do this for you!

- Phil Summers

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