Feb
24
Aren’t those first days, weeks, and months of a new relationship the best? But, then what happened? What happens to those perfect first moments–when the excitement seems as if it will last forever? If you’re like so many of us, what you want most is a happy, healthy relationship with a caring loving partner. And if you’re like most of us, you understand that the biggest challenge is to create and then maintain that relationship. One misconception many people have is that when you walk through the door into a new relationship, you become one with that other person. Doing this is a big mistake and can create many problems in your relationship. This article lays out seven steps you can take that will help you maintain the “ME” instead of just becoming a “WE.”
To create happy, satisfying relationships, it is extremely important to take care of and nurture yourself. You are an essential part of your relationships–you are needed. Your personal wants, preferences, values, and dreams are unique to you and add to all the relationships you enter into. If you think that when you start a new relationship, you should drop your preferences and adopt your partners, you will miss the beauty of what a truly loving relationship can offer.
Whether you’re still in the beginning stages of a new romance or have been a couple for year, caring for and maintaining each person’s own personal essence is a common problem for many couples.
Often people are together so much that they are lost or lonely when they’re not with their significant other. This loneliness or sense of loss is a clue that you might be losing the “you” in the relationship. When you make your dreams, values, and desires as important as your partner’s, you maintain your sense of self. Maintaining your own essence is the easiest way we know to create and keep a healthy, happy relationship thriving for a lifetime:
Here are seven steps to cultivate and care for yourself:
1. Read books that motivate you, or just make you feel good. Read that book you’ve been hearing about. Take a few moments right now and pick a time when you’re going to start reading it. Quiet time by yourself, reading a good book will rejuvenate you and bring new energy to your relationship.
2. Go somewhere new–somewhere you haven’t gone because your partner wasn’t interested. Go to a movie, watch a television show that you’ve wanted to see, visit that museum with the interesting exhibit, or take those singing lessons you’ve always wanted to. Don’t refuse yourself something you want just because it’s not your partner’s cup of tea.
3. Visit your family. Spending time with your family can help you keep a relationship strong. Often, when we get involved with a new love interest, we forget to take the time to visit family. Strong family ties remind us that we belong to a loving community– one that is with us whether we’re in a romantic relationship or not.
4. Hang out with your friends; get out and do things with them. Having good friends is a gift and also helps you to relax and be yourself.
5. Never stop doing what’s fun for you. If you’re a skater and your partner’s not, don’t stop skating. If you like to see plays, go see them. Because you’re a couple now is no reason to stop doing the things you love to do just because you’re partner isn’t interested. If it was something you enjoyed before you were in this relationship, we can almost guarantee it still will be.
6. Be your own best friend first! Be nice to yourself–treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. Get a facial or a massage; or take a hot relaxing bath. Do the things that make you feel good. Caring for yourself and treating yourself well can only bring more caring and kindness into your relationship.
7. Find out what is most important to you. Get in touch with yourself by identifying what you value at the core level. When you do this, you are able to give to your relationship at a much deeper and more profound level. Please download our complementary values exercise. You can find it by visiting our website. When you finish the worksheet, make a list of the actions you can take that will support you in having more of what you value in your life. Next time you feel sad and lonely, take out your list and do something on it.
A healthy, satisfying relationship needs as much supportive ‘me’ time as it does ‘we’ time. Be sure to schedule both.
If you’re ready to discover other personal growth and self-help techniques that are essential keys for creating a happier life, then sign up for our free, thought-provoking, motivational Weekly Action Tips e-mail series at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com/cmd.php?ad=317928. Each tip offers practical advice for creating and living the life you really want. Or visit us at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com
- Beth Banning and Neill Gibson
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